


Do you love me?

by Xyzak_13



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Cheating, Crying, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Rimming, Sleepy Cuddles, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-09
Updated: 2016-05-09
Packaged: 2018-06-07 09:01:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6797644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xyzak_13/pseuds/Xyzak_13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan Howell and Phil Lester broke up and meet again after 5 years. What happened 5 years ago that could possibly wreck the relationship between two people who had loved each other very much? Dan struggles with the question "Do you love me?" ever since the first day they started dating, and finally he got his question answered.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Do you love me?

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there :) English is not my first language so I apologize in advance if there is any left over grammatical errors that I haven't fixed. Please let me know in the comment what you think of the fic as I still have a lot to improve. Thank you and enjoy!! :)

It has been 5 years since the last time they saw each other. They have started to exchange messages online again 2 years ago when Dan asked Phil for his professional advice on a movie editing project, but then their conversations are strictly about work. And yet here they are, walking side by side in London on a winter night, feeling the cold breezes like blades cutting through their skins.

Dan Howell puts 2 hands in his thick, black, Topman jacket as he breathes out a small block of fog that quickly disappears into thin air and thinks about the twist of fate that lead him to meet Phil at their old favorite coffee shop. He remembers that night when he returned to their apartment with an absolute silence, and opened Phil’s room which found to be empty; somehow Phil had manage to move everything of his out in 12 hours. _Well, not everything,_ Dan thought, Phil left all of Dan's presents, including the lion plushy that Dan gave him when they first met. Not a single word was exchanged between them since. Phil just left like that, leaving Dan ruined and devastated. After a couple months, he heard from their close friends that Phil had moved back to Rawtenstall. Eventually, Dan decided to move out, finally closed the door to all of the loving memories they have ever had.

Phil Lester walks next to him, trying to focus on the sound of his shoes on the orange bricks and the spacing of his step matching Dan’s. He looks at his flimsy jeans that is obviously not enough to fight a bloody winter’s night. They both notice the awkward silence, but both are drowning in their own thoughts.

“So…how have you been lately?” Dan breaks the silence first, can't stand being 5 inches away from Phil and yet feels like thousand miles apart.

Phil looks up, smirks at the small talk Dan is trying to make. They both have always hated impersonal talks.

“Hm…good I guess. Nothing's changed much actually. Just the radio station, Youtube, eat, sleep, anime, shows,…and that’s it really.”

“Oh ok, same old Phil,” he pauses, “I’m glad.” Dan licks his lips that are now dry and cold as he rubs his hands together.

“How about you? All good?” Looking at Dan, Phil feels the need to say something back.

“Yea I’m alright. You know how my day goes, sort of the same as yours. Tumblr, Youtube, anime, food, sleep…repeat,” he continues, lifting his head up abruptly as if he just remembers something “Ohh…Did you watch Parasites? It’s pretty good.”

“You bet. I finished the whole season in 3 days. It has such a great plot, beautiful animation...hm... and the catchy sound track that is now my morning alarm.”

“You mean the one that goes like,” as Dan starts to hum, his eyes light up and the sad dimple on his cheek sinks deeper.

Phil looks at him, laughing at his out of tune voice but somehow produces a familiar rhythm that Phil recognizes. “I am so sad that I can figure out the song from your horrendous voice Howell,” Phil extends his arms, wanting to pinch Dan's puffy cheeks as he is pouting. But he didn't.

Dan stops laughing, notices that Phil has awkwardly withdrew his hand while letting sadness slowly fill up his eyes. Dan fakes a smile and looks at Phil. “What do you think of my new hair? It’s shorter now,” Dan touches his fringe, fondles a couple hobbit hair locks that don’t align with the rest.

Phil looks at Dan's neatly straightened brown hair and realizes that it is, indeed, a lot shorter than the last time they met. “Hm…short one looks more mature, more energetic, more Western. Long one looks more….Dan."

“What? Then which one suits me more?” Dan knits his eyebrows, showing that he is not satisfied with Phil’s impersonal answer.

“Well…I don’t know, each has their own pros and cons.” Phil replies, eyes are fixed on Dan’s short hair in order to avoid his glare.

“You dork. That’s not what I meant. Like which one do you like more?” Dan reluctantly smiles, tries to get out an answer that he wants from Phil.

Phil stops and looks at the boy who is forcing a smile. Phil knows what Dan wants. Phil knows that Dan wants him to say he loves Dan’s hair, whichever, but that he loves it. Dan wants to hear Phil says he prefers one more than the other. But he's decided that's not going to happen.

“You should ask Chris. His opinion is what matters.” Phil looks at Dan, casually observes the younger's reaction.

The smile on Dan’s face slowly goes down. He is surprised that Phil's said something like this. He feels like his heart just dropped down his stomach as he tries to laugh it off and whispers “I did but he said both looks great on me. So no use. Just wanted to ask for other’ opinion.”

Phil shifts his attention back to his leather shoes, doesn’t bother to continue the conversation. Dan swallows his own thoughts, tries to stay calm, tries to be rational, and tries to be a normal person who is just talking to an old friend. Yes, Old Friend.

“Phil” Dan stops walking. His voice trembles. It’s too cold outside.

Phil does stop walking, but doesn’t look back.

“Can you answer me one question?” Dan feels his voice getting thicker, as if the words are stuck on his throat.

“I have to go back to the hotel Dan. It’s late.” Phil says coldly. He knows what the question is. Dan has tried to ask him countless time, but he refuses to answer until Dan gives up and change the topic.

“…Please. I need to know Phil.” Dan feels overwhelmed, trembling by Phil’s distant voice. A little hope sparks knowing Phil can't actually ignore him now.

Phil sighs and looks at the boy who is now a couple steps away from him. Phil approaches Dan slowly until he is opposite to Dan, grab his arms and coldly says “If you don’t continue to walk, I will just have to say goodbye here.”

Dan withdraws his hand, stares at Phil with his red eyes as he feels speechless. _Why are you so cruel Phil,_ Dan thinks.

“Phil, please, I beg you. Please stop avoiding me. You have avoided me, my questions, or anything that relates to this matter for 5 fucking years. Isn’t that enough? If you have moved on, tell me, so I can move on too.”

“…” Phil looks at Dan, almost ignorant but couldn't hide a little glare in the corner of his eyes.

“…..Phil, do you love me? No...have you ever loved me?” After pausing for couple seconds, Dan speaks, looking at Phil with his warm, dark chocolate eyes.

“Dan, let’s just go.” He closes his eyes, refuses to be drowned in Dan’s stare, and turns abruptly away.

“NO. Please answer me.” Dan almost screams. He can't let this only chance of confronting Phil to slip out of his hands.

“Why do you want to know now?” Trying his best to not look into Dan's eyes, Phil lowers his voice. He curses himself for agreeing to have a walk with Dan.

“Because you are a coward. You always make me feel like you do love me but then you try to avoid it every time and it hurts me so badly.”

“…”

“We click when we talk Phil. You are my soulmate. I don’t want our relationship to end.” Dan continues.

“We are friends.”

Phil corrects Dan, though knowing himself that it's not entirely true. Because friends don't lie to each other this often.

“Are we really, Phil? Just please answer me. I need to sort this out to move on…You know I love you.” Dan stops for a second to make sure Phil heard him.

Phil looks at him with wide eyes and uses one hand to pinch his forehead. _Phil always does that when he is annoyed or angered by something,_ Dan thinks.

“Ok, Dan, just stop.” Phil says a bit loudly. “Don’t just say those words easily like that.”

“It’s not hard if it’s true. I love you so much,” Dan whispers, feeling desperate to pour his heart out “I will never stop loving you... Even though we are not together, I have loved you and will always love you.”

“STOP, DAN. How can you do this? You slept with Chris, Dan. You texted me and asked to break up when you were in his arms, on his bed, naked. You have no right to do what bullshits you are doing now.” Phil looks back angrily, trying to be as calm as he could. His eyes are like bullets going straight through Dan’s.

Dan stops when Phil swears at him. First drop of tear slowly rolls down his face. _He finally said it,_ Dan couldn't help but feel a tiny bit of relief. At least Phil is angry and not ignorant, that means something.

“Have you ever loved me Phil?” Dan mumbles as more teardrops fall into his mouth. Salty and bitter.

“Why now, Dan? It doesn’t bloody matter.” Phil’s voice turns back to normal, after all the younger boy is crying. Phil doesn’t have the heart to yell at him.

“It does to me,” Dan starts to sob.

“It’s been 5 years. You are with Chris now, I know you are happy.” Phil lowers his voice even more and tries to speak softly as he can’t help to look at Dan apologetically.

“Because you LEFT without saying a fucking word. I had to find out where you live through another person. Another person for Christ's sake....," Dan chuckles sarcastically, "You know I probably sent you 1000 messages asking where you were and how you felt... 3 years ago when you decided to talk to me again, you have no idea how happy I was, even though they were just work-related talks. But whenever I wanted to ask if you had ever loved me and how you felt during that night, you just shut me out and ignored me. You waited for me to give up, FORCED me to not mention this story because you know I still want to talk to you and to keep our relationship.”

“Just forget it Dan.” Phil sighs as he looks away.

“Do you want to know why I slept with Chris?”

“I don’t need to.” Phil snaps.

“Because back then you had never asked how I felt. You'd never paid attention to me. We were in a relationship and you didn’t even touch me. It wasn't enough that I was the one who always initiated things? I was the first one to tell you how much I loved you. I was the first one to ask you to be my boyfriend. The least thing you could do is to reciprocate wholeheartedly but you did it as if it was out of pity. When I was sad, where were you? When I felt like the world was against me, where were you? When I had panic attacks, where were you? You were so, so, so ignorant Phil.” Dan screams, his voice cracks as he chokes on his own words. His whole face is damped with tears.

“When I texted you that night, you didn’t even say anything back. At first I tried to see what your reaction would be. To see if you care enough to drive crazily to Chris’s house, knocks so loud on his door that the neighbors wake up, to kicks his crotch, to probably slaps me in the face saying how much you love me and why I gave my virginity to another fucking man. But you did none of that. Phil, you did none of that. Instead you moved out without saying a single fucking word, ignored me for 2 year, despite me trying so bloody hard to talk to you. But you ignored me, you didn't even want to hear me out.”

Phil stands there, looking at the sobbing 6 foot 2 man who tries his best to speak coherently despite all the chokes and tears streaming down his face. His face is red and he looks like a mess, yet somehow he is still so beautiful. Phil stands still in silence, waiting for Dan to finish.

“I slept with him just for your attention, just to know if you love me. Don’t you get it?” Dan slowly collapses on the floor. One hand grasps onto the left side of his shirt where his heart is, as if he is trying to calm it down.

Phil sighs, slowly lowers himself to level with the man who is now sitting on the floor like a child, curling into a ball and cries so hard that his voice cracks. He extends his arms, but decides to place it on Dan’s shoulder. Phil wants to pull him into a hug, but doesn't know if he should.

“I’m sorry Dan.”

Phil squeezes Dan's shoulder, starting to circle his back. He knows that Dan loves these small loving touches when he is upset.

Dan shakes his head, releasing small hiccup sounds.

Phil pads Dan’s head as he feels the younger boy's soft hair that smells like fresh orange flowers. “Please calm down, I will answer your question. Please stop crying, it hurts me to see you like this.”

Dan looks up, staring at Phil with his red eyes. He looks burned out. “Tell me,” Dan sobs.

“Fine,” Phil sighs, now finally pulls Dan into his arms, letting the younger’s head rest on his shoulder. _I have no restraint with this boy,_ Phil scolds himself silently.

“When you confessed your love, I admit that I didn’t feel the same.” Dan shivers at Phil's first words, but quickly calmed by Phil’s soothing rubs on his back. “But I didn’t want to reject you because were by far the most important person in my life. You were my soul mate, my best friend, my partner in crime, and my very-important-person. I didn’t know anything, but I was sure if I rejected you I would lose you, and I would hurt you deeply, which I'd never wanted to. So I said yes and hoped love is something that can be nurtured. That’s why at the beginning I couldn’t kiss you or do anything other couples do. But as time went by, I started to fall for you. Your adorable smiley eyes in the morning infused with the color of chocolate; your lovely dimples on your puffy pink cheeks when you laugh; your cute chuckles when something amuses you. Everything that you normally do suddenly causes butterflies in my stomach.”

Dan looks deeply into Phil’s blue eyes that are now filled with affection “But still you've never initiated anything.”

“Dan, I was confused. I didn’t want to misinterpret my affection toward you as love. Since it could have been platonic considering how close we were. Then things got a bit hectic.”

“I was 21. I just got out of school, I didn’t know where my life goes. I was so afraid that I would be a failure and couldn't support myself. The only thing I knew how to do was to study more and work. I focused so hard on that to be able to provide the best condition for us. I forgot the state of our new formed relationship. When I finally knew I love you, I didn’t voluntarily said so not because I didn't want to, just that I was never the kind to say those words easily. And I just couldn’t find the right time to tell you how I felt.”

“When you texted me saying you slept with Chris, I was shocked, frustrated, and hurt Dan. But mostly I was so mad at myself. I was so mad that I knew I ruined you. I technically pushed you to sleep with Chris. I imagined your first time was with another man. That he got to see your bare beautiful body, left marks on your skin, kissed you all over, and moreover, he satisfied you.”

Dan cries, feeling a wave of shame rushing in. “Phil, no…stop, please. That’s enough.”

“No, Dan, you asked for this, so let me finish. I didn’t even want to see you Dan. I hated you and I hated myself. It took me 3 years and finally I gave in and started to reply your messages because I missed you. I missed you so much but I couldn’t forget that night. I blamed you for not being patient enough. If you have just waited a little bit more, I would have told you all of this. I blamed myself for being such a coward and ignorant toward your feeling. I blamed Chris for taking advantage of our situation. I blamed God for making this THIS.”

“Phil, I’m sorry.” Dan pushes Phil away, tries to control his hiccups but ends up sobbing more. His eyes that should have been dry now overflow with tears again.

Phil wipes those droplets on Dan’s cheeks away with his thumbs and cubs Dan's face with his hands to look into Dan’s eyes. No matter how angry he is, Phil can't stop feeling extremely sad seeing Dan's tears.

“It was all my fault. I cheated on you, I destroyed our relationship. I was so young and stupid and selfish Phil. I’m so sorry, what should I do Phil? How can I fix us?” Dan grabs onto Phil’s arms, saying with his most earnestness.

“No you don’t. You don’t fix anything. Listen to me, all of this doesn’t matter now, Dan. It’s in the past. You are in a relationship with Chris and he loves you. I know you love him too. So just leave these behind. We all made mistakes. Now that you get your answer, move on Dan.” Phil sighs.

After a couple of minutes in silence, Phil stands up and helps Dan get up as well. Dan, who is currently crying, still drowns in his own thoughts. Phil feels his heart being stabbed seeing Dan’s eyes are now filled with sadness and hollowness. _Those eyes should not be like this_. He asks, “Dan, are you okay to go back by yourself now? I have to return to my hotel, it’s quite late and I have something to do tomorrow morning.”

Dan stays quiet, ignores Phil’s question and whispers “It’s all my fault, Phil. I made a huge mistake. I broke us. I cheated on you. I....”

Phil sighs again, wipes new formed tears on Dan’s reddened cheeks. “I can’t leave you like this,” Phil mumbles “I will get you a cab okay? I will go on it with you and make sure you safely get inside your house. Then I will leave.”

Dan nods his head, doesn’t care so much at this point.

During the whole ride, Dan lets his head falls on Phil’s shoulder while staring blankly outside the window. After paying the cab driver, Phil walks with Dan into his apartment.

The new flat is about half an hour away from their old one and is smaller. However, it is closer to where Dan works. When he enters, Phil is surprised by how cozy it looks. The flat has some cacti and small plant pots near the window, along with some aesthetic portraits hanging on the crème colored walls. Furniture in the house are mostly black and white, _This is still Dan’s, he has to infuse his black-addiction somewhere_ Phil thinks. Then he realizes a small, glass chess set on the table in the small living room.

“You bought this Dan? Do you remember how to play?” Phil chuckles, fidgeting the transparent Queen, seeing his own reflection on the surface of the the piece.

“Of course, you taught me well Phil. I actually win most of the time when playing,” Dan stops, then quietly says “with Chris.” Somehow he doesn't want to mention Chris' name in front of Phil.

Phil smiles, can’t stop feeling a bit of bitterness slowly churns his stomach. Chess is his thing with Dan after all.

“Well…now that you are home, I should get going then.” Phil stands up, turning himself toward the door.

“Wait,” Dan moves quickly to Phil, grabbing Phil's shirt “Wait…Phil, could you please stay with me for a little longer?”

“Dan…We talked what needed to be talked.” Looking at the boy who is pulling the hem of his shirt like an abandoned kid, Phil tries to push down a chuckle.

“No…I know. But please, I haven’t seen you for 5 years. Can’t I just want to be with my friend a little longer?” Dan refuses to release Phil's shirt, looking sad and desperate.

“It’s 10pm Dan, and I have something to do in the morning.” Trying his best to not look at those eyes, Phil says.

“…What if you just sleep here? I have a guest bed room. Please Phil, we could play some chess, or some Mario Kart, I will prepare towels and pj so you can take a hot bath and then you can go to sleep. Let me make it up to you… I just really miss you.” Dan grabs Phil’s shirt tighter, looks into Phil’s eyes, and shows his still-red and wet puppy eyes that he knows would work 90% of the time.

Phil covers his eyes with his hand, tightens his lips as he slowly gives in and nods. _I'm unbelievable,_ Phil sighs once again, knowing that he would jump off a cliff if Dan looks at him with that eyes and orders him to do so. “Fine, but I’m quite tired so if you don’t mind, can I take a bath first?”

“Sure. Wait here, I will go to get the towels and pj.” Dan smiles brightly, then runs to his room to get the stuff. He loves that Phil has accepted his request, smiling happily thinking that he could spend more time with Phil. He goes through his pile of clothes in the closet and picks out a dark blue pants and a white t-shirt with the word “Captain America” in the front. _Phil would look good in this,_ he thinks. He knows the heater in his house is weirdly strong so it shouldn't be that cold to wear thick clothing. Then, he gets 3 big towels for Phil, knowing Phil would want 3 towels when he takes bath.

After handing the towels and pj to Phil, Dan goes back to his room upstairs, also decides to take a bath. Warm water runs down his skin, traces his exhausted body, and lifts off the stress and sadness in his life. He feels content for a moment, letting the warm liquid embrace him. He thinks about his decision of inviting Phil to stay. What does he really want? He is happy with Chris now, right? Why does he feel like jumping into Phil’s arms, crying his eyes out while sharing the past 5 years not ? Dan blushes and feels ashamed by his own thought. He closes his eyes, wanting the water to swallow him so he doesn't have to face the reality.

The door clicks open as steams quickly pour out of the small bathroom. Phil comes out; one hand on his head trying to dry the hair with his towel. He looks for Dan, but only hears the water sound from upstairs. _Dan is also taking a shower_ he assumes. He sits down on the brown sofa, thinking if he has made the wrong decision by agreeing to sleep over. _Even though he has a boyfriend, I can just be his platonic friend who play a couple games with him, then sleep in a different room. His boyfriend will understand,_ he rationalizes.

Dan walks down; his cheeks are slightly rosy and his blow-dried hair is at its natural state. Phil can’t control himself and lets out a small laugh. Dan’s cheeks turn bright red as he yells “Stop bullying me. I hate my own hair already.”

Phil laughs even harder, adoring the angry Dan and says "You look best with your hobbit hair Dan." Phil continues “So what do you want to do? I’m actually kind of lazy to play anything. Do you want to just put on a movie and then we can go to sleep?”

Dan looks at the clock that is now showing the green LED light curving into the number 11:15. He doesn’t want Phil to stay up too late, feel sleepy tomorrow, and end up missing work or something. “Sure, what do you want to watch?”

“Hm…this is stupid but a chick flick?”

“Oh, ok. Which one?” Dan is surprised but already walks toward the disc containers, looking for the chick flick section. “Is The Fault In Our Stars OK?”

“It’s perfect.” Phil smiles, wondering why he suggested this to begin with.

The movie ends after 2 hours, leaving Dan who is now a hot mess. He sobs as small hiccups slowly fill up the quiet room. His eyes are now puffy from crying too much in one day. His face is dampened with tears running down continuously on his red cheeks. Hugging his blanket, Dan swipes his eyes violently. Phil looks at Dan, thinking _he is too cute_ as he slowly approaches the younger boy who is now curling into a ball in the corner of the sofa. Phil pulls Dan into his shoulder, fixes those hobbit curls that now cover his forehead, takes a couple of tissues to help Dan blow his nose, then swipes the tears on his red and slightly crashed cheek. Phil looks at Dan so helplessly, making Dan cry harder and harder. “Dan, shhhh…it’s ok, shhhh you cry too much today. Your eyes are puffy like two pink marshmallows now.”

Dan doesn’t reply, curls up in Phil’s arms as he keeps crying. He thinks he cries not just for Augustus and Hazel, but for everything else: for his own relationship with Chris, for his whatever with Phil, for his own mistake in the past, for that fateful night. The movie triggers the flood of emotion he has compressed for years. He has never talked deeply with Chris. He couldn’t share his thoughts to Chris as much as he does to Phil. He moves his two arms to wrap around Phil’s neck, making Phil shift slightly so Dan would be more comfortable. Now Dan sits side way on Phil’s laps, with his head burying in the crook of Phil’s neck, not being afraid to let tears stain on Phil’s white shirt. Phil sighs, circles his hand on Dan’s back. _He is really skinny now_ , Phil scowls in his head. Sniffing Dan’s shampooed hobbit hair, Phil suddenly remembers Dan’s previous question that wasn’t properly answered, so he softly speaks up “Dan, you look better with a slightly longer fringe. You look more yourself.”

Dan doesn’t want to leave the warmth of Phil’s body, so he just nods his head, following with a small chuckle “I think so too. It won’t be long for my old fringe to grow back.” His voice sounds nasal, as he still quietly cries and doesn’t want to stop.

Phil decides to place a kiss on Dan’s head, hopping to make Dan feel better. Dan is like a big koala bear who clings on to him and refuses to let go. Stroking Dan’s bony waist, Phil sighs “You are too skinny Dan, you have to gain more weight,” as he lovingly scolds him, Phil pinches the naked skin part that Dan’s shirt doesn’t cover.

Dan lets out a small noise, even buries himself deeper into Phil’s chest. Phil finds it amusing and pinches Dan’s waist again, slightly stronger this time. Dan finally pulls himself out of Phil’s chest, frowns and with the teary eyes, he cries “It hurts.”

“Ohhhh baby, I’m sorry. Shhh...” Phil laughs, pulls the helpless Dan into a hug again and strokes the red mark on Dan’s waist, having a heartache seeing Dan’s reaction. And then he suddenly realizes he has just called his platonic friend “baby.” He stops stroking, slightly pushes Dan away as the opposite refuses to. Trying to not look at Dan, Phil speaks “I’m sorry, Dan…this is wrong…Chris won’t be happy to see us like this. I know you are upset and just need someone to comfort you…”

“No,” Dan interrupts him “Not anyone. I want you Phil. If it wasn’t you right here holding me, I wouldn’t cry, I wouldn’t free myself like this.”

Dan sobs louder “Please don’t leave me Phil. I don’t care. I don’t care about anything or anyone anymore. I just know right now if you leave me I will not be ok.” Dan wraps his arms around Phil’s neck, slowly approaches Phil with his eyes close, tears still streaming down his face, whispers against Phil’s skin “Phil, please, just tonight. Love me.”

Phil looks at Dan, realizes one drop of tear has freed itself to roll down on his face. He blames God and thanks him the same time for bringing Dan to his life. He closes his eyes; his lips find Dan’s lips and pulls him into a kiss. _Salty_ but then soft and sweet and Dan.

The kiss quickly gets deeper as Dan opens his mouth, letting Phil’s tongue work its way inside. Dan lets out a soft moan when Phil chews and bites his bottom lip and plays with Dan’s tongue. After 3 intense minutes of kissing, Dan is almost out of breath, so he lets Phil supports his head, and slightly parts his lips from Phil's, leaving a glittering wet trail of saliva. Phil looks at the breathless Dan who is now completely vulnerable on his arms. _What guy would be able to turn this away?_ Phil feels his crotch hardens. He pulls Dan's neck closer, sniffs the younger’s baby skin, places wet kisses at first and then starts to suck and leaves trails of hickeys along Dan’s smooth curve down to his collarbones. He signals for Dan to raise his arms as he takes off Dan's shirt, causing Dan to shiver when the cold air suddenly hits his bare skin. Dan’s nipples harden as Phil’s tongue passes by and circles them. Phil sucks on the left while using his right hand to fondle Dan’s right nipple. He teasingly pinches it harder causing Dan to moan loudly. When the two pink spots become soaking wet and raw red, Phil licks them gently and starts marking down Dan’s flat torso as he leaves another trail of purple bruises.

Without asking, Phil carries Dan and walks back to the guest room, thinking Dan would be sore if they do it on the small sofa. He gently places Dan on the bed, admires the other’s half naked body and starts to undress himself. He looks at the flustering younger boy who keeps staring at his chest. “You are handsome, Phil.” Dan compliments him, raising his hand to stroke Phil’s chest, making Phil slightly embarrassed. Phil supports himself with his elbows, places kisses on all over Dan’s face, and whispers in Dan’s ears “And you are just perfect baby.”

“Everything about you is breathtakingly gorgeous. Here” he drops a kiss on Dan’s eyes, “here,” another on Dan’s lips, “here” on Dan’s neck, “here as well” on Dan’s chest, “here” on Dan’s space between his pelvis and his upper thighs. Phil unbuttons Dan’s black jeans, rolls away both the jeans and the boxer inside, revealing Dan’s throbbing cock, “and especially here” as Phil places a peck on the tip of it.

Dan groans, knowing his undeniably desire gradually fill up his stomach. He shamelessly opens his legs wider and attempts to stroke himself, only to find Phil’s head is already between his legs.

“Phil you don’t have to…Ahhhh…” Dan moans as Phil takes in his whole length. He teasingly licks the slit, runs his wet tongue across the length of Dan’s then hollows his mouth to increase friction. Phil gently plays with Dan’s ball, his head goes up and down Dan’s rock hard penis that is now oozing out precum. Phil swallows the white substance as he comes up to Dan who is now panting, adoring his red cheek and blinking lashes. Phil kisses Dan intensely, wanting Dan to taste his own fluid as he strokes Dan's right inner thigh. Phil finds his hand on Dan's penis again, stretches the swelling blue veins and casually slides his fingertip on Dan’s slit, making he spasms.

Still playing with Dan’s penis that is now lubricated with his own precum, Phil unwillingly leaves Dan's swollen lips and asks “Baby, where do you keep the lub?” He rubs Dan’s perineum, presses slightly on it knowing that it drives Dan crazy.

“Ughhh….hmm…in my room, on the stand… next to my bed,” he stops to inhale “Phil, I’m close.... please hurry...” Out-of-breath Dan whispers, his hands grab onto the pillow tightly while his toes curl up against the bed sheet. Dan feels likes he is on fire.

Phil pecks Dan on the lips quickly before he runs upstairs to find the bottle of cherry lub on the nightstand.

He runs back down, seeing the vulnerable Dan who is now touching himself and circling the outside of his entrance. Phil quickly opens the cap and pours a generous amount of lub on his fingers, smelling the sweet artificial cherry flavor as he replaces Dan’s finger with his.

"Baby, come here," Phil grabs Dan's waist to pull him closer. He places one of Dan's leg on his shoulder so he can stretch Dan’s entrance properly. After inserting one finger, causing Dan to moan loudly, he feels the muscle inside tightens, swallowing the strange object. _He hasn’t had sex in a while_ Phil wonders as he rubs Dan’s inner upper wall, gaining another loud moan from the younger boy. While gradually moves his finger, Phil lowers himself to Dan's butt, then slides his tongue inside Dan’s hole as he spits out a bit of saliva into it, making the sloppy sucking sound.

“Aghh… Phil…omg….Phil...omg that feels so good..” Dan jerks up instantly, feeling Phil’s tongue swirling inside when Phil's hands part his cheeks.

Dan’s knuckles turn white as he tries to keep his voice down, but it’s almost impossible when Phil’s tongue is swallowed by his hole as it continues to lick, suck, and kiss. “It’s delicious here Dan,” Phil jokes, making Dan blush crazily.

Dan gasps as Phil withdraws his tongue but quickly fills the void with his fingers, two this time, causing Dan to shift slightly.

“Baby, how long haven’t you had sex?” Phil asks, worrying that Dan might be uncomfortable if he goes too fast.

Using his elbows to support himself, Dan raises his upper body to face Phil “Hm…more than half a year,” Dan blushes “I didn’t feel like it so hm… Chris didn’t force me.”

Phil frowns, looking at Dan apologetically “Are you…feeling like it now? Are you ok? I don’t want to hurt you.”

Dan quickly grabs Phil’s arms, ensuring him “Phil, please, I’m ok. With you it’s always ok. Just…hm… stretch me properly.”

Phil smiles and slowly lays Dan on the bed again, dropping sweet kisses all over his face. Phil pours more lub out, then inserts one, two, and three fingers inside Dan, scissors until he feels like Dan become less tense. He rubs some more lub on his cock that is now throbbing and leaking precum. Phil positions himself in front of Dan and feels even more aroused looking at the person lying on the bed so willingly and readily for him. He looks into Dan's blurry brown eyes, fixes a curl of hair sticking on Dan’s sweaty forehead, lowers his head and bites Dan pouty lips. Phil asks "Can I?" as he reaches Dan's hand and places a kiss on it, causing Dan to beam brightly, feeling adored and loved. When Dan says "I want you inside me," Phil kisses him again and enters Dan without breaking the kiss. He feels Dan quickly tense up as his entrance tightens around Phil's.

“Baby, relax for me.” He comforts Dan so he wouldn’t hurt himself by tensing up. As Phil places soft kisses on his eyes, Dan relaxes his muscles gradually.

“You can move now, I’m ok.” Dan opens his legs wider, moves his body forward and wraps his arm around Phil's neck so they could be even more intimate.

Phil starts to moves slowly but deeply, thrusts in and out, creating a sensual sound.

“Aghhhh there…Phil, there… aghhh, move faster please.” Dan cries as Phil suddenly touches his prostate.

Phil increases his pace as he repeatedly thrusts deeper, trying to hit Dan’s prostate every time. He uses his right hand to fondle Dan's nipple, left hand to stroke Dan’s cock now slipping with precum.

“Hmm..Phil there…ugnhhhh. Phil….I’m coming….Ahh” Dan moans loudly, couldn’t careless how wanton he sounds. He is clouded by the sound of Phil's balls against his cheeks, the smell of Phil's sweat dripping on his face, the heat of Phil's body surrounding him, the wetness of Phil's lips on his lips, and the fullness of Phil's inside him. Dan couldn't think of anything else besides Phil. His Phil.

Phil kisses Dan’s neck, thrusts faster and deeper, sucks on Dan's earlobes as he whispers in his ears “I’m close too baby.”

After a couple more rough thrusts, Dan comes, releasing loads on his stomach as Phil ejaculates inside Dan almost at the same time. When Phil slowly pulls out, Dan could feel the semen oozing out his hole and dripping down his thighs.

Phil rolls down to lie next to Dan who is way too exhausted and sleepy. They both lie still for a while until Dan curls into Phil’s arms again, smelling Phil’s after sex body scent that he knows he would be addicted to. Dan wants time to stop, so they would be like this forever.

“Phil…” Dan snuggles closer, wanting Phil to hug him tighter.

“Hm?” Phil wraps his arms around Dan and plays with some beads of sweat rolling on Dan’s bare back.

“Can you wait for me?” Dan whispers, gently yet determined, while burying his head into Phil’s chest.

Phil sighs, “…You want to break up with Chris? Are you sure Dan? You are happy with him aren’t you? Tonight doesn’t have to mean anything. I promise you no one will know and you can just…go back to him” Phil feels his heart sink just by mentioning the name Chris, _but I have to be the rational one here,_ he hesitates.

Dan slightly pushes Phil’s away, feels quite offended that he wants to forget tonight and treats it like nothing happened, “Phil, listen carefully, I don’t want tonight to not be a thing. I don’t just want to sleep with you, I want to be with you. I love Chris, but it’s not the love that makes your stomach twirl and your heart sink. I don’t know what will happen but I promise to figure it out. As long as you believe in me and…love me, I think we can restart. Do you love me Phil?”

Phil smiles softly, stroking Dan’s sweaty and curly hair “Dan, you are the light of my life.”

“The fire of your loins,” Dan quickly adds, giggling.

“We are quoting Nabokov now,” Phil chuckles, “… but yes, you are my sin and my soul Dan. I won’t ever let you go again. And I love you.”


End file.
